The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian (with apologies to Sherman Alexie)

“What did you do yesterday?”
“Well, I woke up and had coffee then we all rode to the studio for Nutcracker rehearsal.”
“How’s that going?”
“I wish we had one more week, but I’m sure it’ll come together.”
“Are you in it?”
“I’m playing Herr Stahlbaum, Clara’s father.”
“No!”
“Yes!”
“Do you have any lines?”
“It’s ballet! There are no lines. Just acting and dancing.”
“Well, do you have to dance?”
“Yes, but not ballet. There are two dances in the party scene that I have to dance with Frau Stahlbaum. I keep getting off count in both. And the two of us are front and center.”
“Is it fun?”
“Sure. My favorite stuff is the acting. Large, expressive gestures.”
“What else did you do yesterday?”
“In the evening I went to the Bills game with a friend from New York.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah, and we had box seats, courtesy of Seneca Niagara Casino. My friend’s a regular at some of the Connecticut Indian casinos, and some of the staff he knows through Mohegan Sun transferred to Seneca Niagara. They get these promos, and have an entire box at the eastern end zone of Ralph Wilson. Not the choicest view, but still, nicer than sitting outside. And they have this whole spread of great bad-food classics. Chicken wings, nachos, deep-fried cheese-stuffed shrimp.”
“Um…there’s a reason that cows are on land and shellfish are in the oceans.”
“I know.”
“Who’d the Bills play?”
“The Patriots. The undefeated Patriots. My biggest thrill—other than the private Escalade that got me there and back—was seeing Tom Brady in person. Even from a distance.”
“Hmmm.”
“It’s crazy how rowdy the Bills fans were. It was like the mother of all keggers. There was even a fight in the box, believe it or not!”
“You’re kidding!”
“Nope. Imagine. ‘Dude. I went to the Bills game and got thrown out of a luxury box.’ Nice story for your friends and family.”
“That game was a blowout.”
“I know. The funny thing was that the guy sitting next to me somehow decided I was the Bills expert in the house and kept asking me questions.”
“Did you know the answers?”
“That’s the scary part. I did.”
“Hmmm. Maybe you are a Buffalonian.”
“Buffalo Bills and the Indian: A Farce, by God…”