Out West

Over the last year here in Western New York, my status as a single man caught the attention of more than a few persons. The majority of them, however, were female.

I find women attractive, and I find attractive the fact that I may be attractive to them, but I am not customarily attracted by or to them. In New York City, even though I’m sure that my orientation was given, from time to time I found myself on the receiving end of an admiring glance from a woman. I also have no problem stating that on several occasions I could have consciously crossed the line, if only temporarily. For the bulk of my life, however, the vast, vast, vast majority of the individuals I found attractive have been male (duh…). Over the last year here in Western New York, however, my status as a single, healthy man has from time to time caught the attention of a woman. I’ve noticed this several times, and I find it amusing.
The first time it happened was in the office of a local newspaper. The receptionist seemed friendlier than necessary. Then the account manager I was there to see made quite the coquettish fuss coming out to speak with me in the reception area. Earlier this year, another of our advertising account managers acted noticeably girlish when we had lunch to discuss our account. Finally, some of the mothers of students at the ballet school where I work have made remarks that assume a heterosexual orientation. In fact, during the recent planning for my brother’s company’s benefit, the idea of auctioning off a date with me was briefly floated. (Thank God that idea didn’t go any further…)
This has happened to me before. When I left NYC in 2001 for the Adirondacks, I was still wearing a small wedding ring. I had purchased that wedding ring for myself because I believed myself wedded to something nobler and finer than a spouse; I believed myself wedded to an ideal—the creative ideal. I haven’t worn the wedding ring for many years, and in fact am regretting that I wore it as long as I did. I now admit both the early-twenties arrogance of that and the possibility that it might have deterred rather than attracted the right person.
I don’t find any reason to publicly set the record un-straight. These are very nice people, and I figure that it’s frankly no one’s business but mine and those who I wish to make it so. Nor do I want to put them off. I do sometimes wonder if I’m reverted to a place where I haven’t lived in a while, a place where I’m not always as open as I’d like to be. But how and where would I be open here? And with whom? Occasionally I go to the coffeeshop down on Elmwood, and notice that there are other gay men coming in and out (ha!). But I’m not gonna do the bar scene. So I’ve been trying the online dating thing, because the car culture here prevents the wonderfully-random and frequent casual encounters possible in a city of nine million, with crowded sidewalks and public transportation. And tonight at the gay center downtown, there’s a movie club that meets every other week. It might be worth a look, and if not, at least I’d get to see a movie...